I'll want you back

One of my greatest traits or maybe worst flaws is this: I will always want you in my life, regardless of the pain and hurt you have caused me.

My friends are frustrated by this, because I will continue to let people who hurt me back into my life. I just believe that if you were a part of my life at one point, I can't imagine letting you go and pretending like nothing ever happened. Excommunicating you from my life is easy, pretending like we were never friends is easy, but I don't want easy. I'll do what's hard because our relationship is important to me. Whether it be a friend who talked about me behind my back or that douche lord guy who made me cry all of the time, I will always let you back into my life, because at some point, once upon a time, we were good together.

I choose to hold on to the good times that we had, rather than focus on the ways that I was hurt, call it naive, but it's the only way I know how. I'm not saying it doesn't suck, because it does. Sometimes I get really angry (which is honestly a very scary thing if you have ever had to experience that wrath) or I get sad, but then I get through it. In almost every situation, after I've thought about it and had my emotional outburst, I will decide that our relationship is much more important than whatever made me sad or angry. Like I said before Forgiveness isn't foolish.

Some think it's a fatal flaw, but I think it makes me a stronger and possibly much weirder person and I am 100% okay with that. I will always open myself to get hurt again because I value relationships and relationships aren't just about the good, but about getting back up from the bad as well. Some people tell me I'm being used or taken advantage of, but regardless, I wouldn't have it any other way.

I'm not delusional enough to think that things will be the same, because they won't be. I don't want the same relationship back, but I still want us to have a relationship of some sort. I understand that people drift apart, but I can't let the reason be because of one stupid fight or because I was hurt.

I'd rather open myself up to be hurt over and over again than shut you out because I'm afraid. Some say I'll never learn, but I DO learn with each hurt, heartbreak, and disappointment. I learn more about myself and more about others, but I don't think I'll ever learn to stop forgiving. I don't think I'll ever learn to stop fighting for the people that are important to me. Regardless if you call it dumb or admirable, it's how I choose to live.

Moral of the story, I choose to forgive because I want you in my life.

In the end, it all boils down to one question: What's more important, your ego/pride or your relationship? For me, the answer will always be a relationship.