Alright, so let's all take a few seconds (or more) to laugh at the title because it's a little bit funny and we're all just a little bit immature. I'm sure that some parts might get a little bit dodgy with the whole swallowing reference, but don't be fooled, this isn't meant to be a funny post, it's about emotions and vulnerability and just the mention of those two words probably made you want to close out of this window, run away, and never look back, but please, just stay a while!
For those of you who know me, you probably haven't seen me cry - not because I don't cry or because I don't have emotions, because trust me I do and I definitely do.
Whenever I feel like crying in any situation, whether it be in happiness, joy, sorrow, or pain, I don't do it. I can feel it coming, but I choose to fight it, I refuse to cry. When I start to feel those tears well up in my eyes and that lump start to form in my throat, I don't let it out, I swallow it. I swallow it and pretend like that weird moment before I was about to cry, didn't just happen.
And I know that I'm not the only one who does it, even though it's not talked about, I am positive I'm not the only one. We get this notion in our heads that tears are a sign of weakness and I think that I am finally realizing that's not true (no, not in the cliche "tears aren't weakness, from the beginning of time it's a sign that you're alive" quote way - but we'll get to that later).
When I think back to the times where I chose to swallow the lump and fight back the tears there is one common thread. It wasn't that I was sad or frustrated or embarrassed or any other emotion on the spectrum. Each and every time I decided to swallow that lump, it was because something deeply affected me at the core; whether that was me relating too closely to someone's story or feeling deep love for a friend/family member or being passionate in my purpose, whatever was being talked about was something that really hit home for me. The tears don't necessarily come from the same emotions, rather, they come from places that are truly important to me and my life. Tears aren't necessarily a sign that you're alive, rather they are an indicator of what you're living for.
I've begun to see crying in a new light; I don't see it so much as weakness anymore, but a sign of a importance and if you let it, an indicator of a powerful moment or conversation just waiting to happen.
Imagine if in that conversation where I was feeling uncomfortable because I, too, felt like I didn't belong in the group at times - what an immensely powerful conversation could and would follow. Imagine what a powerful dialogue would follow if you just had the courage to tell your story and let the other person know that they are not alone. If you didn't swallow that lump, if you didn't fight those tears, how impactful would that conversation be, not just for the other person, but for you as well? If you didn't dismiss that feeling in your stomach or the lump in your throat, where would that conversation lead you? I'm not a big fan of what if's and this isn't about regret, it's about seeing missed opportunities and moving towards change.
Tears are tied deeply to who and what we value, and in letting people see our values, we let them see who we truly are and that can be a scary thing. Being vulnerable can be uncomfortable, it can be terrifying, but it can also be freeing and exhilarating. Vulnerability is often confused with weakness, so saying that vulnerability is the key (to life really) might be a little hard to wrap your head around, but I have learned (and I am still learning) that vulnerability opens doors that secrets and fear keep locked, chained, and deadbolted.
Being vulnerable. It's a hard thing to do, it's something I try to practice daily, but I too, slip up. I still swallow that lump, I still hold back the tears, but eventually, I let them out. Maybe not in front of people, maybe I don't say the things I need to in the moment, but when I finally let go and release them, I can see what truly matters to me. Being more vulnerable is a rewarding, yet difficult practice; it is a change in your life that will be beyond worth it.
That lump. It's our initial reaction to swallow it, but I challenge you to fight that first reaction and dig deeper, push further, and allow it to come out. If you let it out, you'd be surprised at how much is in that weird achy lump in your throat. So much power, so much of you, is in there, if you would just let it out.
You don't have to go spill your soul to every person that you come in contact with, you don't have to go around crying all the time, but I am asking that you just try to have the courage to tell your story when that lump in your throat comes up.
Life unscripted
30.7.13
I've been cautious my entire life. I've been a planner. I've known what I wanted and had a plan on how to get it. Always. I didn't want to ever get distracted - if it wasn't in the plan, I'd pass on it.
Did I get what I wanted? Yes. But at the same time, by sticking to this path I created in my head, maybe I missed out on a lot of things too. Not that I regret my decisions at all, because I don't, they led me to who I am now.
After meeting people, loving more openly, and being more vulnerable, I started to change, and for the better. I started to see that I had been cautions all my life, and it was about time I started living. It was time that I started taking that leap and not fearing the fall.
Life is golden. It's joy and pain, both of which can teach me so much more about myself, others, and the world.I find just as much, if not more, happiness from the unplanned spontaneous random encounters in my life as completing my plans and accomplishing my goals. Goals are important and with goals you know the desired outcome, but sometimes, things just take you surprise and change your life for the better. Unplanned and raw emotions make you feel alive in ways that no plan ever could, and that's a part of life that I used to neglect, but now it's a part of life that I won't ever forget again.
Life unscripted isn't half bad. Own every second of your life and live it to the fullest. Embrace the good, the bad, the planned, and the unscripted. We've got this one life, so let's live it and make it beautiful .
Did I get what I wanted? Yes. But at the same time, by sticking to this path I created in my head, maybe I missed out on a lot of things too. Not that I regret my decisions at all, because I don't, they led me to who I am now.
After meeting people, loving more openly, and being more vulnerable, I started to change, and for the better. I started to see that I had been cautions all my life, and it was about time I started living. It was time that I started taking that leap and not fearing the fall.
Life is golden. It's joy and pain, both of which can teach me so much more about myself, others, and the world.I find just as much, if not more, happiness from the unplanned spontaneous random encounters in my life as completing my plans and accomplishing my goals. Goals are important and with goals you know the desired outcome, but sometimes, things just take you surprise and change your life for the better. Unplanned and raw emotions make you feel alive in ways that no plan ever could, and that's a part of life that I used to neglect, but now it's a part of life that I won't ever forget again.
Life unscripted isn't half bad. Own every second of your life and live it to the fullest. Embrace the good, the bad, the planned, and the unscripted. We've got this one life, so let's live it and make it beautiful .
All you need is one
20.7.13
Never underestimate the power of one - because a lot of the time, all you need is one. I thought I blogged about this before, but apparently I didn't (AWKWARD), so here it goes.
A lot of the time, we think we're small (and when you think about it in the sense of the universe, we kind of are). While we may be small, we have so much potential, both for ourselves and for others. There is a lot of power in each and every one of us. I have been lucky enough to have so many people who believed in me, pushed me to be a better version of myself, and were there to help me along the way when I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Sometimes you just need one person to think you are the bees knees; just one person to ignite the flame within. Sometimes, you just need one person to push you, change the game, flip the script, whatever you want to call it. One person, at the right time, in the right place, can help you realize your potential and inspire you to move forward, follow your dreams, grow, and become better than you were before.
While all you may need is one, that's just for a time; over the years you'll start to realize that you've been lucky enough to encounter multiple people who were game-changers for you. The best thing you can do is let them know how much they mean to you and how much their support has meant (because I think these people are often overlooked)
We need to realize that WE can be people of impact; that our actions and words can be the thing that helps motivate someone to believe in themselves or move towards change. With every conversation, every smile, every action, we all have the ability to be game-changers.
A lot of the time, we think we're small (and when you think about it in the sense of the universe, we kind of are). While we may be small, we have so much potential, both for ourselves and for others. There is a lot of power in each and every one of us. I have been lucky enough to have so many people who believed in me, pushed me to be a better version of myself, and were there to help me along the way when I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Sometimes you just need one person to think you are the bees knees; just one person to ignite the flame within. Sometimes, you just need one person to push you, change the game, flip the script, whatever you want to call it. One person, at the right time, in the right place, can help you realize your potential and inspire you to move forward, follow your dreams, grow, and become better than you were before.
While all you may need is one, that's just for a time; over the years you'll start to realize that you've been lucky enough to encounter multiple people who were game-changers for you. The best thing you can do is let them know how much they mean to you and how much their support has meant (because I think these people are often overlooked)
We need to realize that WE can be people of impact; that our actions and words can be the thing that helps motivate someone to believe in themselves or move towards change. With every conversation, every smile, every action, we all have the ability to be game-changers.
The ideal doesn't exisit
3.7.13
To be honest, I've struggled (like many others) for a majority of my life with trying to be perfect, striving to be what I am "supposed to be" as told by my family, teachers, friends, community, media etc. It's horrible, and I won't claim to be cured of wanting to be perfect, but I'm realizing that this ideal that I (and so many others) strive towards, doesn't really exist.
There is NO way to please everyone around. My parents don't want the same things from me that my friends do, my friends don't want the same things as my professors, my professors don't want the same things the media expects of me, and most importantly, a lot of the time, I don't want what ANY of them want from me. So in a world where we we want to fit in and be accepted, how can we if there is so much noise surrounding who we are and the supposed ideal we're told to be?
It's taken me time to realize that the ideal isn't very realistic at all and it might not even exist. What matters most is my happiness, what matters most is pursuing my passions and doing something that I care about deeply. I can focus my energy and try to be a billion things that I'm not, or I can realize what I am and how to make that work for me.
I can spend all of my time trying to be thin, get 4.0's, get a high paying job, be the life of the party, read books, be good at math, have an attractive boyfriend, be trendy, etc. but what matters in the end is if I am happy. Selfish? Maybe, but I think that's what this time in my life is for.
I figure what does all of this matter if I'm not happy with who I am? It's SO, SO, hard to try to let go of what people think of you (after all, we all want to feel acceptance and to feel wanted) and I am no expert. I still care, but I'm trying to put myself first. I want to be happy, and there's no way that I can be if I'm too busy caring about how people think I should be. I can never be happy if I am constantly striving for something that is unattainable.
It's hard to grasp that because of my decisions, people may not like me, and it's even harder to accept people not liking me, but it's the only way I can make true progress in my life. I am proud of who I am and even more proud of the growth I have made to get here.
I'm finding that the more I let go of the idea of "perfection" the more happy I am with life and the better person I am become.
There is NO way to please everyone around. My parents don't want the same things from me that my friends do, my friends don't want the same things as my professors, my professors don't want the same things the media expects of me, and most importantly, a lot of the time, I don't want what ANY of them want from me. So in a world where we we want to fit in and be accepted, how can we if there is so much noise surrounding who we are and the supposed ideal we're told to be?
It's taken me time to realize that the ideal isn't very realistic at all and it might not even exist. What matters most is my happiness, what matters most is pursuing my passions and doing something that I care about deeply. I can focus my energy and try to be a billion things that I'm not, or I can realize what I am and how to make that work for me.
I can spend all of my time trying to be thin, get 4.0's, get a high paying job, be the life of the party, read books, be good at math, have an attractive boyfriend, be trendy, etc. but what matters in the end is if I am happy. Selfish? Maybe, but I think that's what this time in my life is for.
I figure what does all of this matter if I'm not happy with who I am? It's SO, SO, hard to try to let go of what people think of you (after all, we all want to feel acceptance and to feel wanted) and I am no expert. I still care, but I'm trying to put myself first. I want to be happy, and there's no way that I can be if I'm too busy caring about how people think I should be. I can never be happy if I am constantly striving for something that is unattainable.
It's hard to grasp that because of my decisions, people may not like me, and it's even harder to accept people not liking me, but it's the only way I can make true progress in my life. I am proud of who I am and even more proud of the growth I have made to get here.
I'm finding that the more I let go of the idea of "perfection" the more happy I am with life and the better person I am become.
Grown Up But Not: UNLESS
23.6.13
The other day (and by the other day, I mean the past three days in a row) I watched The Lorax. Originally one of my favorite childhood books by Dr. Seuss turned movie, I just can't help but love it!
It is a good book and it is quite the entertaining movie as well, but it's more than that. We've got something to learn from it too!
In the movie, the Once-ler says to Ted:
Unless is such a powerful word; unless can change the world. Unless, meaning that except on the condition that _______________. Things will stay the same unless _______. Change starts with a fire in you that spreads to others, change can't happen unless someone believes and wants it to happen.
You can change the world. You, your friends, your family, your organization - y'all can change the world. Find what you're passionate about and let that be your guide.
Anyone can make change, but in less you ACTUALLY care (maybe a whole awful lot) that change won't matter, you won't inspire others to want to join you in your journey. People won't buy into change for change sake; people buy into your passion and because of that, your change with a purpose sticks and resonates.
Take a lesson from Dr. Seuss, the Lorax, the Once-ler, and Ted - be passionate, care, and make this world a better place.
It is a good book and it is quite the entertaining movie as well, but it's more than that. We've got something to learn from it too!
In the movie, the Once-ler says to Ted:
"Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not."Yes, this is a children's book and a children's movie (and yes, I still watch and read them at the ripe age of 22), but that quote rings true to anybody at any age.
Unless is such a powerful word; unless can change the world. Unless, meaning that except on the condition that _______________. Things will stay the same unless _______. Change starts with a fire in you that spreads to others, change can't happen unless someone believes and wants it to happen.
You can change the world. You, your friends, your family, your organization - y'all can change the world. Find what you're passionate about and let that be your guide.
Anyone can make change, but in less you ACTUALLY care (maybe a whole awful lot) that change won't matter, you won't inspire others to want to join you in your journey. People won't buy into change for change sake; people buy into your passion and because of that, your change with a purpose sticks and resonates.
Take a lesson from Dr. Seuss, the Lorax, the Once-ler, and Ted - be passionate, care, and make this world a better place.
Grown Up But Not
For those of you who know me, you know I am the biggest grandma-child contradiction ever. I am a lover of children's movies (to this day, one of my all-time favorites is The Prince of Egypt, go ahead, judge me), yet I have the reputation of being a grandma. When I was at school, I was either studying, planning, working, or sleeping; I did other things, of course, but it isn't what most people think of when they think of the "college life". I'm what some would like to call grown up but not.
It's this mentality that I have, that I decided I would start a series of blog posts called "Grown Up But Not" where I draw from children's books or movies and show how we can learn from them. I'm really excited about this, and for those of you who know me, I'm sure this comes as no surprise.
I mean, let's be real, I did write an 8-page paper synthesizing the theories of social science and epistemology with Harry Potter. I hope it's something that y'all enjoy, because I'm really excited for an excuse to watch more movies (all for the sake of blogging of course)!
It's this mentality that I have, that I decided I would start a series of blog posts called "Grown Up But Not" where I draw from children's books or movies and show how we can learn from them. I'm really excited about this, and for those of you who know me, I'm sure this comes as no surprise.
I mean, let's be real, I did write an 8-page paper synthesizing the theories of social science and epistemology with Harry Potter. I hope it's something that y'all enjoy, because I'm really excited for an excuse to watch more movies (all for the sake of blogging of course)!
We graduated, now what?
19.6.13
For those of you who don't know, I, like thousands of other around the nation, just graduated from college. It's a mixed bag of emotions for SO many people and after talking with some of my amazing friends and classmates it's a little bit terrifying.
I'll admit, it is a little bit terrifying. Why? Because this is what we've done for the past 16 years of our lives, we've been in school. The past 16 years have been filled with so much growth, so many experiences, but yet there was a constant and that was school. We went to class, we made friends, maybe we played sports, hopefully we did a little homework, we learned; it's what we knew, it's what we looked forward to, and it's what we dreaded. School has been our lives up until now, and now, we walked across a stage and were unleashed on the world. Weird, huh?
With all of this craziness that may or may not be swimming around in our heads, I think it's always important to never lose our childlike nature. We may not be in school anymore, but it doesn't mean we have to be grown ups quite yet, or ever. So yeah, graduation might be scary, but I know that we are all going to do amazing things. In the wise words of Dr. Seuss:
You've got a good head on your shoulders, go chase your dreams and don't let anyone tell you that you're not good enough. It might be scary for a little bit, but don't let that fear stop you from reaching your dreams. Walk into the unknown with confidence, and show this world what you can do!
I believe in you, others believe in you, now you just have to believe in yourself.
I'll admit, it is a little bit terrifying. Why? Because this is what we've done for the past 16 years of our lives, we've been in school. The past 16 years have been filled with so much growth, so many experiences, but yet there was a constant and that was school. We went to class, we made friends, maybe we played sports, hopefully we did a little homework, we learned; it's what we knew, it's what we looked forward to, and it's what we dreaded. School has been our lives up until now, and now, we walked across a stage and were unleashed on the world. Weird, huh?
With all of this craziness that may or may not be swimming around in our heads, I think it's always important to never lose our childlike nature. We may not be in school anymore, but it doesn't mean we have to be grown ups quite yet, or ever. So yeah, graduation might be scary, but I know that we are all going to do amazing things. In the wise words of Dr. Seuss:
You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go.Don't forget that you are smart and talented and amazing and a plethora of other things. Don't forget that you can choose what you do, who you help, and how you impact others. While you may be on your own, you're never alone; you have the people who helped you get to where you are now and the communities that you are a part of and going to join.
You've got a good head on your shoulders, go chase your dreams and don't let anyone tell you that you're not good enough. It might be scary for a little bit, but don't let that fear stop you from reaching your dreams. Walk into the unknown with confidence, and show this world what you can do!
I believe in you, others believe in you, now you just have to believe in yourself.
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