The ideal doesn't exisit

To be honest, I've struggled (like many others) for a majority of my life with trying to be perfect, striving to be what I am "supposed to be" as told by my family, teachers, friends, community, media etc. It's horrible, and I won't claim to be cured of wanting to be perfect, but I'm realizing that this ideal that I (and so many others) strive towards, doesn't really exist.

There is NO way to please everyone around. My parents don't want the same things from me that my friends do, my friends don't want the same things as my professors, my professors don't want the same things the media expects of me, and most importantly, a lot of the time, I don't want what ANY of them want from me. So in a world where we we want to fit in and be accepted, how can we if there is so much noise surrounding who we are and the supposed ideal we're told to be?

It's taken me time to realize that the ideal isn't very realistic at all and it might not even exist. What matters most is my happiness, what matters most is pursuing my passions and doing something that I care about deeply. I can focus my energy and try to be a billion things that I'm not, or I can realize what I am and how to make that work for me.

I can spend all of my time trying to be thin, get 4.0's, get a high paying job, be the life of the party, read books, be good at math, have an attractive boyfriend, be trendy, etc. but what matters in the end is if I am happy. Selfish? Maybe, but I think that's what this time in my life is for.

I figure what does all of this matter if I'm not happy with who I am? It's SO, SO, hard to try to let go of what people think of you (after all, we all want to feel acceptance and to feel wanted) and I am no expert. I still care, but I'm trying to put myself first. I want to be happy, and there's no way that I can be if I'm too busy caring about how people think I should be. I can never be happy if I am constantly striving for something that is unattainable.

It's hard to grasp that because of my decisions, people may not like me, and it's even harder to accept people not liking me, but it's the only way I can make true progress in my life. I am proud of who I am and even more proud of the growth I have made to get here.

I'm finding that the more I let go of the idea of "perfection" the more happy I am with life and the better person I am become.