more of a procrastinator

I used to think that it was hard for me to make decisions because I was indecisive, but I'm learning more and more that that's not the case.

It's not that I can't make a decision because I don't know what to do (because I do) it's just that I can't find it in me to pull the trigger. I've got a bad habit of holding on or holding back for too long. I've got a really bad habit of second guessing my intuition and, heck, even my past experiences. And that, THAT, is how I end up frozen in place for too long.

How do I break the cycle? I honestly don't know. But I'm trying, I am trying to re-learn what I've always known. That I can make decisions and that they can be right or they could be wrong, but no matter what, they'll get me closer to where I need to be.

faith + action. It's the only thing that's going to move me ahead.

I guess I'm just scared...

I could come up with a million things to do before writing here, but I am sitting at my computer now and trying. Like reeaaaaalllllllly trying to sit here and crank something out, but it’s hard.

Scratch that. It’s not hard. I’m just full of excuses and fill my time with other things that don’t necessarily matter as much. I put off writing here over and over and over again because “I just don’t have the time,” but oh, let me tell you a story about the things I DO have time for.

Last week, I had a full post thought out, ready to go, in my head, and I thought “Lo, this it! This is the time! You’ve got it!” but then somehow it didn’t get written… somehow, I got REEAALLLLL busy. With what you might ask? SUPER IMPORTANT THINGS that include, but are not limited to the following: taking a shower, driving to get a soda, taking a picture of said soda, cleaned my camera, eating a lunchable, scrolling through Instagram, posting jobs and answering emails for work, thinking about the logistics of moving my bed, doing some laundry, looking at domain names, sorting my books, and of course, making a list of things I was doing instead of writing the post that I meant to, the list goes on... (please also note, this started at like 9:45pm)

And now that thought, like many others, is gone with the wind, never to see the light of day. Tragic, I know.

So sure, I’m “busy”, but if I’m being honest, I’m actually just scared.

Scared of what? That someone might actually read this? That they might not like it? That people might not like me? I’m not quite sure exactly what it is, but I’ve let that fear stop me from doing what I love for a long long time.

So here I am, writing nonsense about not writing, because this matters to me. And I’ve finally (kind of) come to grips with the fact that people might not like what I write, and that’s okay, because I’m writing for me. And if that reaches someone, somewhere, and resonates with them, that’s cool – but if not, that’s okay too.

You gotta start somewhere

It is so hard for me to write here, and I think part of it is because I can be SO edited here.

Let me explain.

I write a ton. Like notebooks on notebooks of my thoughts and ideas are sitting on a shelf right now, mostly in Moleskine journals. And when I write it down, I have to think about it and I can't really delete it (I can cross it out, but I reserve that for colossal mistakes). I can't edit as I go. It's just there. And that stuff, well if I am being honest, THAT stuff is gold.

Then I get here, online and hit the backspace key more than I should. And not because I have a ton of typing errors (which surprise, sometimes I do) but because it's so easy to second guess myself and rewrite what I am trying to say. So then it turns out like crap and it kills me.

But I can't put what's on paper, on screen. It's weird. I'm weird. Part of it is because they are like pieces of my soul and only like 4 people ever have seen a glimpse of those notebooks, and I might just be scared to send my soul out to the world like that.

I digress, really, I just have to try to write good stuff here, and I think that can only happen if I stop trying to only write good stuff.

So I'm going to try more regularly, and even if it isn't great, at least I've started. As Anne Lamott said "almost all good writing begins with terrible first efforts. You need to start somewhere."

And that somewhere, for now, is here.

Farmer's Market Finds

If you've been around for a while, you know how much I write and that more often than not I have my Moleksine journal with me. You know, just in case I have some good thoughts to write down or something.

I've been pretty faithful to the good old Moleskine and have filled up quite a few in the past few years, but when I was at the SLC Farmer's market this weekend, I found something that could possible make me switch up my Moleskine ways.

While walking around I stumbled across a stand that looked like it was selling old books, and I saw an old copy of Where The Wild Things are (one of my childhood favorites) and had to stop in. I picked it up and realized that, BONUS, it is actually rebound AND a journal! Be still my soul, right?! 

Red Barn Collections rebinds books, adds pages, and creates a journal out of old books. They have a range of books at their stand (and even more in their warehouse, so you can check if they have a specific book you want!) from children's to mystery to reference books and even board games!
I am a little obsessed with the children's books because they have the whole story in the journal and it just makes me feel all young and nostalgic. I ended up buying Where the Wild Things Are and Shel Silversteins "A Light in the Attic".

I'm so excited to start writing in these (can't start yet because there are still a few pages left in my trusty Moleskine) and see how it goes!

moms rock!

Guys, moms are seriously the best! If you need specific reasons as to why my mom is the best, feel free to read here.

I mean, sure, I'm 25 years old and apparently a real live adult with a 401k and everything, but my mom STILL sends me care packages and it's the best. So what if I graduated 3 years ago (yikes)? THAT DOES NOT STOP MOMMA REYES!

Coming home to mail is the best, especially when it is unsolicited from your mom, and not from a night of binge online shopping. A came home from a trip and had this cute little package filled with a few of my (and her) favorite things!

I'm a pretty independent person and I'm not one to get homesick ever (like at 6th grade camp when girls were CRYING because they missed their parents, I was just chillin' in my Paul Frank sweatshirt like take a chill pill we will be back at the end of the week), so it's nice to be reminded how much my family loves me and thinks of me, their sweet sweet prodigal daughter.

So to close, moms rock! The end.

BE MORE LIKE A SIX YEAR OLD!

I am going to guess that everyone reading this is above the age of six, if not, kudos to you under six year old, you win at life!

But for all of us who are past the age of six, let's remember that time. It was glorious, not a care in the world, well yes, definitely cares, but only the candy, toy, and play drama, none of that heavy adult-y type stuff.

We weren't afraid to speak our minds and maybe sometimes said things that weren't socially appropriate (like that time I was so excited to open the door and get the pizza, then saw the delivery guy, ran back upstairs freaking out, yelling MOM, IT'S AN OLD MANNNNN!!!!). But man, did we say some great stuff back then.

So, I say we should be more like a six year olds! Maybe not just say whatever we are thinking, because, sometimes, let's be honest, it's a little rude, but SAY NICE THINGS TO PEOPLE!

I'm serious though, compliment people, genuinely, do it!

Because yesterday, while I was getting my nails done and chatting with Easton, this six year old (it was her birthday, and all she wanted to do was get her nails done. Seriously, the cutest thing!) so politely interrupts our conversation and says to me:

"um, excuse me, I really like your boots"

And let's be real, that made my day! That little girl had something to say and she made sure she told me, which, if I'm being honest, I don't do enough.

Recently I have been trying to compliment people and say nice things to them when I think it, but sometimes it's hard. Like sometimes I want to tell a girl I don't know that I really like her dress or man great comments/insight, but she's busy/talking to people, so I better not bother her. It's fine, I'm sure she get's it all the time. Maybe next time.

Sound familiar?

Sure, it's scary approaching people out of the blue and speaking to them, but here's the thing, who is ever MAD about a compliment?! PEOPLE LOVE HEARING THAT THEY'RE AWESOME! They love it.

So don't assume that they know or that someone will tell them or that it won't make their day, you channel your inner six year old self, and you tell 'em that they're great or their outfit is on fleek (yes, I said it, judge all you want).

Let them know, say your piece, and don't worry about what happens afterward, because I can almost guarantee that someone won't be weird and judgy about the compliment you just paid them (unless it's a way awkward one, like once a guy got real close to me in the office and told me my hair smelled nice... stay away from being invasive or creepy, trust me).

SURPRISE! I went to Spain

    

For those of you who don't know, surprise! I went to Spain at the beginning of Spain. It was UNREAL.

So much food, so much goodness. so much walking, so much fun. It was great and I'm slowly sifting through pictures and (very) slowly getting caught up on the work I missed while I was gone. Someday I'll get a better recap, but for now, these two pictures will have to do.