work in progress

A lot of the time, I get overwhelmed with how much I haven't done, with how much there is still left to do. And it get's me down. Feeling so behind on life.

Somehow I lose sight of the bigger picture and I forget that life happens bit by bit; you know, that whole "Rome wasn't built in a day" thing.

But I have to remind myself that I've done good. I've done good things, big things. Things I never thought I could do, but somehow, I did.

You've done good, don't be so hard on yourself. Your life will always be a a work in progress, but oh, how you can make it beautiful with the choices you make each and every day.

Moving forward

Lately I've been feeling unsettled and uncertain about what direction my life is going, and I'm sure this isn't an unfamiliar feeling for all of the other 20-somethings in the world.

Change is hard for me, just like it is for everybody else, and I find myself place holding on to things I should've let go a long time ago. I find myself staying in places longer than I should. I find myself staying still when I should be moving forward.

And that moving on, that whole moving forward thing, is scary. Because it means that I am leaving what I knew or what I was certain of behind. That for some crazy reason, I am choosing the unfamiliar over the comforts of the past and present.But a part of me knows that it's the only way. It's the only way to grow. It's the only way to figure out what I really want and what I really need.

It's scary, propelling yourself into the unknown, hoping for something better, knowing that something different might await you, and not knowing if you'll like it more. Putting yourself out there is hard, thinking of the possibility of failure is terrifying, trying new things is a little overwhelming at times. But, you know, it's the only way.

Because the staying still is the worst part of the whole process. It's the lingering too long in the comfort of the life you have that hurts the worst. Knowing that there is more out there, but being too scared or too complacent to try and find it.

It's the staying still that stifles who you are, that slowly but surely kills those dreams you once had. It's the staying still that keeps you comfortably numb to the callings of your soul.

And there comes a time, where you realize you have to go and that you can't stay where you've been. There comes a time where you realize that staying still and constantly wondering "what if" is a much worse fate than actually trying and getting an answer.

I'm unsettled, unsure, uncertain, and uncomfortable, but I would rather be that and a million other un-words that I haven't thought of, than to leave so much of my potential untapped.

So here's to the unknown and figuring out what's actually out there.

resolutions

It doesn't have to be a new year to start resolutions; there is no time like the present to start working to improve your life and yourself.

There's no need to wait because the truth is, change is hard. Change is REALLY hard. And it's a process. It's not something that I can just flip a switch and say, done! That was easy. It's waking up day after day and remembering what it is that you want and working for it.

So I'm starting today and for now I'll just write them down in as many places as I can, so that I can hope to remember what it is that I'm working for.
 - Be more brave than fearful
 - Read more books
 - Go outside!
 - Take more walks
 - Help others more
 - Listen better
 - Love more deeply
 - Learn new skills and things! Seriously, invest in yourself.

There might be individual posts on some of those later, but for now, that's what I'm working on. Because life is what you make it, and oh, how I hope to make mine more and more beautiful.

Don't be sorry

Stop being sorry, stop apologizing; you have no reason to be sorry for simply occupying space. You don't have to apologize for learning as you go, after all, aren't we all?

And you certainly don't have to apologize for being yourself, because that's the greatest gift you could ever give the world.

You are a work in progress - don't let anyone make you feel like a failure. You are not finished. You are just beginning and there's no shame in that.

You can only live up to your true potential when you've stopped apologizing for what you're not. Because if we counted all the things we're not, we could go on forever and ever, but that doesn't make the world a better place and that doesn't make you a better person.

So, I want to remind you that what YOU are is far more important than what you're not. You are loved, you are wanted, and you are needed in this world, don't you ever forget that.

Digging deeper

I am always thinking. Always busy. And truth be told I don't know how not to be.

I'm twenty-four and filling my life with worthy things like working full-time, studying for certifications, actively pursuing God, looking at furthering my education, serving as a regional coordinator for my sorority. And that list isn't to brag, it's to illustrate what I signed myself up for, and what, often times, makes me feel overwhelmed.

I've put myself in a position where people have such high expectations of me that I'm constantly trying to meet, and it's hard. Even their praise makes me feel like I'm not doing good enough, because I know I can do more, but I'm just not. I feel the pressure to live up to (and beyond) their expectations. It's never enough and I can't stop. I can't let any of it go.

And I know that if I did, I'd fill it with other things, instead of using it as time for myself. I'd find a way to still burn the candle at both ends.

But why?

Because it's what I do best. It's how I avoid the things I don't want to think about, the things that scare me, the things that terrify me. It's easier to be busy than to face some of those things. It's easier to fill my life with tasks than to dig deeper and find purpose.

And that needs to stop. I need to stop. Because I want more than what I have. I want to dive deeper into life, I need to. The things I want can't be found on the surface.

I need time for myself. Time to run, time to read, time to write, time to be outside, time to breathe, time to ponder, time to face the scary things, time to reconnect, time to make more meaningful relationships, time to become who I am meant to be.

So here's to making time for me, making time for things that matter, and being less busy.

Dear mom, you're the best

My mom is the one of the most amazing humans I know (I mean she is planning a family service activity for her birthday, come on people). Not in the “she’s like totally my best friend and does everything with me” type of way that a lot of girls talk about. I mean in the truest sense, she is amazing. Like, let’s say in my last job interview, I started talking about her and started crying. Yes, crying. In an interview. Tears. SOBBING and finally choking out the words “she’s the best”.

I don’t know where to start. I don’t know where to end. And if I’m being truthful, I’ve been trying to write this post for the past two years, but nothing does my mom justice, nothing, but here goes nothing.

She gave up so much for me and my sister to have what we have today, to be where we are today. She was a single mom with two kids, still going to school to get her Bachelor’s degree. She didn’t have much, but she had a family who loved her and two daughters who needed her. So she found a way to make it work, and I watched her graduate from the University of Washington when I was 7 years old. And she continued to work hard and push herself further so that she could support our small little family of three.

I didn’t know it then, but we weren’t the richest.

I remember eating hamburger helper for dinner (and loving it). I remember getting everything I wanted for my birthdays, well, except Barbies because according to momma Reyes those were not acceptable role models/examples for young girls. I remember laughing my head off while she wrapped my sister and me in towels like little lumpias (look it up).

We didn’t have much, but we had each other and we had our family. I don’t look back and remember being poor (I mean, come on, I had all the Lisa Frank school supplies I wanted AND Crayola crayons), I look back and see that I had everything I needed and most of what I wanted.

She has conquered so much. She has overcome so much, and I could not be more proud of the person she is and how far she has come. I can’t get over how much she continues to strive to grow and become better than who she was before. How she is always serving those around her and making sure that others are provided for.

Looking back, it honestly breaks my heart to see some of the things she sacrificed for us. It breaks my heart to look back at how difficult and unappreciative I was of her when I was like 14-18 (SORRY MOM). Because she has done nothing but put me and my sister first our whole lives. Like when she shut down her catering business because we needed more, even though it was her passion. Like how she’d make sure we had rides to everything and that she made it to as many as our games as she could, even if she was a little late.

Looking back, I can see how extremely blessed I was (and still am) to be her daughter.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how I’m becoming more and more like my mother and that has made me think more about how that makes me feel. If you asked me 10 years ago, I would’ve been mortified, trust me. But now, I couldn’t be more proud to be even a smidgen of the woman she is.

And I guess, I’m writing this because I am so overwhelmed with gratitude for everything that she has done for me and everything she is. For the example that she has set for me, for showing me that hard work and dedication can take you to places you never expected. For making time for the things that mattered.

So here’s to you mom, thanks for being the best. Thanks for loving me even when I’m a poop. Thanks for putting things in perspective for me when I’m being overly dramatic and freaking out. Thanks for loving me. Thanks for going to my 6^th grade field trip to the sewage plant and not being too mad when we went to the Seahawks stadium the next week and you couldn’t get the time off again to go to that one (oops, my bad!).

Thanks for being you and thanks for making me, me. I love you more than I ever tell you.

xoxo - Tater

Happiness is not a luxury

I woke up this morning way too early. Way way too early.

And instead of doing the usual, turning on netflix to mindless shows or movies (nothing wrong with that), I read. I read books that I started forever ago. I read/listened to inspirational talks. I wrote things in the good old Moleskine.

Sometimes I forget how much I love reading. And when I say forget, I mean, I put it on the back burner with all the other things "I just don't have time for". It's a bad habit. Truly it is.

Why?

Because reading makes me happy. Writing makes me happy. And if it makes me happy, I SHOULD FREAKING DO IT.

I think we forget a lot of the time, that happiness is essential to our being. It shouldn't be a luxury. It shouldn't be something that we partake in when it's convenient.

Make time for happiness, make time for what makes you feel alive. You'll find that you are better because of it. That maybe, taking that time to read (or whatever it is that makes you feel alive) in your day, might make you a happier more pleasant person.

Having that "you" time, whatever it may be, is essential to being the best version of you.

Trust me: doing what makes you happy allows you to show up as your authentic self, rather than that strung out, overburdened, too busy, uptight, stress coming out of your eyeballs, scary person that kind of freaks people out. Take time to recharge, you (and probably everyone around you) will be thankful.

If you "just don't have time" for the little things that make you happy, you're doing it wrong. Don't get hung up on that though, because guess what, you can start today!