skillz 2 pay da billz (actually, no bills will be paid with this new skill)

So a few posts back I talked about resolutions and mentioned specifically learning new skills.

Well SURPRISE! At some point I decided that I should learn to skateboard (maybe it's a quarter-life crisis, I don't care, it seems legit, right?)

      

So basically, I have a skateboard, I can kind of stand on it and manage not to crash into anything. Mainly I am just very awkward and ask people in the parking lot to teach me, and so far so good. I've only fallen once and it didn't hurt that much. My current strategy is when in doubt, jump off and bail, and it seems to be working super well.

This definitely isn't the type of skill I was thinking of in December, but here I am, wish me luck!

Grateful.

I've been having a hard time with life and tweeted about it. Then I started to write about because I was going to be courageous or whatever.

But here I am, thinking of how grateful I am for all of the people I have in my life, people who love me and still love me even though I'm difficult.

Because for the most part, I don't like to talk about things. I don't want to cry with you. I don't want to sit and chat about why I feel rotten. I don't need you to baby me. I don't need cookie dough or ice cream or a movie marathon. And I know that's SO hard to deal with, but it's who I am.

Yet I still have people I know are there for me. People who talk me through it and give me the space I need to figure it out. People who give me the gentle reminder that I'm okay, that I'm loved, that they're there when I need them.

I guess, grateful is the only way I can describe it. And to each and everyone, I am thankful for you.

work in progress

A lot of the time, I get overwhelmed with how much I haven't done, with how much there is still left to do. And it get's me down. Feeling so behind on life.

Somehow I lose sight of the bigger picture and I forget that life happens bit by bit; you know, that whole "Rome wasn't built in a day" thing.

But I have to remind myself that I've done good. I've done good things, big things. Things I never thought I could do, but somehow, I did.

You've done good, don't be so hard on yourself. Your life will always be a a work in progress, but oh, how you can make it beautiful with the choices you make each and every day.

Moving forward

Lately I've been feeling unsettled and uncertain about what direction my life is going, and I'm sure this isn't an unfamiliar feeling for all of the other 20-somethings in the world.

Change is hard for me, just like it is for everybody else, and I find myself place holding on to things I should've let go a long time ago. I find myself staying in places longer than I should. I find myself staying still when I should be moving forward.

And that moving on, that whole moving forward thing, is scary. Because it means that I am leaving what I knew or what I was certain of behind. That for some crazy reason, I am choosing the unfamiliar over the comforts of the past and present.But a part of me knows that it's the only way. It's the only way to grow. It's the only way to figure out what I really want and what I really need.

It's scary, propelling yourself into the unknown, hoping for something better, knowing that something different might await you, and not knowing if you'll like it more. Putting yourself out there is hard, thinking of the possibility of failure is terrifying, trying new things is a little overwhelming at times. But, you know, it's the only way.

Because the staying still is the worst part of the whole process. It's the lingering too long in the comfort of the life you have that hurts the worst. Knowing that there is more out there, but being too scared or too complacent to try and find it.

It's the staying still that stifles who you are, that slowly but surely kills those dreams you once had. It's the staying still that keeps you comfortably numb to the callings of your soul.

And there comes a time, where you realize you have to go and that you can't stay where you've been. There comes a time where you realize that staying still and constantly wondering "what if" is a much worse fate than actually trying and getting an answer.

I'm unsettled, unsure, uncertain, and uncomfortable, but I would rather be that and a million other un-words that I haven't thought of, than to leave so much of my potential untapped.

So here's to the unknown and figuring out what's actually out there.

resolutions

It doesn't have to be a new year to start resolutions; there is no time like the present to start working to improve your life and yourself.

There's no need to wait because the truth is, change is hard. Change is REALLY hard. And it's a process. It's not something that I can just flip a switch and say, done! That was easy. It's waking up day after day and remembering what it is that you want and working for it.

So I'm starting today and for now I'll just write them down in as many places as I can, so that I can hope to remember what it is that I'm working for.
 - Be more brave than fearful
 - Read more books
 - Go outside!
 - Take more walks
 - Help others more
 - Listen better
 - Love more deeply
 - Learn new skills and things! Seriously, invest in yourself.

There might be individual posts on some of those later, but for now, that's what I'm working on. Because life is what you make it, and oh, how I hope to make mine more and more beautiful.

Don't be sorry

Stop being sorry, stop apologizing; you have no reason to be sorry for simply occupying space. You don't have to apologize for learning as you go, after all, aren't we all?

And you certainly don't have to apologize for being yourself, because that's the greatest gift you could ever give the world.

You are a work in progress - don't let anyone make you feel like a failure. You are not finished. You are just beginning and there's no shame in that.

You can only live up to your true potential when you've stopped apologizing for what you're not. Because if we counted all the things we're not, we could go on forever and ever, but that doesn't make the world a better place and that doesn't make you a better person.

So, I want to remind you that what YOU are is far more important than what you're not. You are loved, you are wanted, and you are needed in this world, don't you ever forget that.

Digging deeper

I am always thinking. Always busy. And truth be told I don't know how not to be.

I'm twenty-four and filling my life with worthy things like working full-time, studying for certifications, actively pursuing God, looking at furthering my education, serving as a regional coordinator for my sorority. And that list isn't to brag, it's to illustrate what I signed myself up for, and what, often times, makes me feel overwhelmed.

I've put myself in a position where people have such high expectations of me that I'm constantly trying to meet, and it's hard. Even their praise makes me feel like I'm not doing good enough, because I know I can do more, but I'm just not. I feel the pressure to live up to (and beyond) their expectations. It's never enough and I can't stop. I can't let any of it go.

And I know that if I did, I'd fill it with other things, instead of using it as time for myself. I'd find a way to still burn the candle at both ends.

But why?

Because it's what I do best. It's how I avoid the things I don't want to think about, the things that scare me, the things that terrify me. It's easier to be busy than to face some of those things. It's easier to fill my life with tasks than to dig deeper and find purpose.

And that needs to stop. I need to stop. Because I want more than what I have. I want to dive deeper into life, I need to. The things I want can't be found on the surface.

I need time for myself. Time to run, time to read, time to write, time to be outside, time to breathe, time to ponder, time to face the scary things, time to reconnect, time to make more meaningful relationships, time to become who I am meant to be.

So here's to making time for me, making time for things that matter, and being less busy.